10
Anchored and Sold on a Pillow of Stone

 

Hot John. Dogboy is captured. Osbert. Blaze takes the blame.

 

It was midnight, and outside Colta City General Hospital it was quiet. Erica Torres, a nurse at the hospital, was lingering outside a side door and enjoying the night air. She was on her fifteen minute “smoke break,” which is what she called it although she was one of the few nurses who didn’t smoke. She figured if killing yourself slowly got you a fifteen minute break two times a shift then somebody who was making healthy choices deserved one too.

Across the street there was an agitated movement under a tree where the street light didn’t reach. Erica felt a chill and decided it might be better to go ahead and cut her break short. She turned to head back in the side door and ran into a big block of a man. He looked like a prize fighter who’d lost one too many fights. Bald, muscular, and with a few important teeth missing. His left hand was gone, but in its place was a harness with a large wooden mallet attached to it. He gestured to the cigarette butts littered on the ground by her feet.

“Smoking is a real dirty thing,” he said. “I ain’t gonna let you work on sick people after smoking. It ain’t… what’s the word… like if it ain’t clean?”

Erica didn’t get the whole “mallet hand” thing, but she hoped he was just a concerned crazy and she’d be able to explain and get to the other side of the door. “I think the word you are looking for is sanitary,” she said, “but I promise you I wasn’t—”

“Yeah,” he said, “it ain’t stationary.” He raised his mallet hand. Erica considered running around to the front of the hospital where the security guards could see her. She hoped there was somebody watching the security monitors in the station.

“No,” she said. “Don’t. Please!”

Blinding flashes of light popped all around her and the big brute. Sudden movement. A small person jumped between her and her attacker and hit him in the face. The sparks that were blinding her faded away and she saw what had to be a kid in some funky Halloween costume standing there while the bruiser rubbed his chin, looking more annoyed than anything.

“Get inside and call the police,” the kid said in a nasally voice. “This looks like a job for Dogboy.”

She was confused, but the kid had a point. She could be back there with guards in a minute. How much damage could the big guy do in that short of a time?

“Thanks, kid,” she said as she ran back inside.

Dogboy backed against the door as it closed behind her. This guy was big alright. Bigger than any crook he’d faced in the past couple of weeks anyway. But he still looked a little dazed from the Wee Glimmers that Dogboy hoped would give him the advantage. The man cocked his head as his vision came back into focus.

“Dogboy?” he said. “Andrus was looking for a kid what dressed like a dog.”

“Oh. Is there a reward? Because we can split the reward. I won’t say a thing if you won’t. One thing first, muscles—.” Dogboy rolled under the man’s legs and jumped up onto his back, digging his fingers into his eyes.

“I used to have a pup like you,” the man said. “He was ornery.” The man reached up and got hold of Dogboy’s cape. “He used to play like he was fighting me too.” He yanked Dogboy over his head and held him a couple of feet off the ground. The cape dug into his neck and he struggled to breathe. The man reeled back his added appendage ready to strike. “He don’t play with no one no more.”

Dogboy reached up to the clasp that held the cape on and released it. He dropped to the ground. He ran up and over a bench and leapt on top of a bus shelter. “Didn’t your mom ever tell you it’s not nice to hit people?” he asked, standing out of the big man’s reach.

The man ran over and slammed the shelter with his mallet. It shook and Dogboy lost his balance. He fell hard on the sidewalk and the man scooped him up and squeezed him tight in a bear hug.

“When you’re as big as me you can do what you want,” he said. Dogboy struggled against him. The man pushed Dogboy’s face into his shoulder, pressing the plastic mask up against his mouth and stuffed up nose. Dogboy couldn’t breathe, and the street lights turned into stars as the rest of the street faded away into darkness.

“Is it him?” Dogboy heard a voice ask as he came to. He decided to remain still until he could figure out what was going on. His eyes were hidden by the mask so he felt safe sneaking a peek. He was somewhere with a lot of trees and could hear running water off in the distance. Two men stood above him: the big guy from the hospital and Blaze from the parking garage.

“Yer darn tooting, Hot John,” said Blaze.

“Hot John,” the big guy from earlier, turned around. A portly man in a sweater vest and old-fashioned spectacles sat on a bench behind him, feeding some pigeons popcorn from a paper bag. “I done good, Osbert?” he asked.

“On the contrary, my brutish companion, you have done exceedingly well. I didn’t expect one with such… meager aptitude to remember our leader’s directive.”

Hot John stood there like a dumb lump, unresponsive to anything he’d just heard.

“You ‘done good,’” Osbert said.

“Wa-hoo!” Hot John said.

Blaze leaned down and plucked a blade of grass from the ground. He stuck it in his mouth and started chewing. Dogboy slipped his hand down toward the knife holstered on his ankle.

“Jonathan,” Osbert said, “if you would be so kind as to transport our captive.”

“Now hold up a darn second,” Blaze said. “I deserve a crack at ‘em I reckon.”

“My dear friend,” Osbert said, “remember: Andrus said the boy should be captured but that above all else he shouldn’t be harmed. I know you want your revenge. Believe me, I want that for you. But it will come in due course. Besides, to do so would risk Andrus’s wrath. I think we can all agree that is the most unappealing option.”

Blaze shuffled his feet. “I reckon yer’ right. Guess I’ll wait till some other night.”

“Excellent,” Osbert said. “Jonathan, if you could pick up the boy we’ll be on our way back home.”

Hot John stood there staring at Osbert as if he was a unicorn. Dogboy pulled the knife from his ankle and concealed it in his hand.

“Grab the kid,” Osbert said. Hot John hoisted Dogboy over his shoulder. Blaze looked at him, remembering the night in the parking garage.

“I can’t wait to tan yer hide, boy,” Blaze said.

Dogboy lifted up his head and looked at Blaze.

“I double-dog dare you.” He whipped the knife across Hot John’s shoulder and landed on the ground. Hot John stumbled back holding the wound. Blaze lunged at Dogboy. A quick flash forward helped Dogboy dodge him and he ducked between Blaze and Hot John and ran as fast as he could. Osbert jumped in front of him but Dogboy slid between his legs.

Osbert plopped down on Dogboy’s back and caught his feet. His glasses fell off as he struggled to keep the boy from kicking him is the face.

“A rascally yea-forsooth knave,” he grunted.

Dogboy couldn’t move his body, but his arms were free. He reached back and tickled Osbert behind the knees. The fat man chortled and instinctively jumped away from the source of his merriment. Dogboy got to his feet and ran into the woods, disappearing from view.

Osbert picked up his glasses and walked over to Hot John and Blaze.

“A query,” he said, “to what end can a brain function if the limbs do not cooperate?”

“You’re confusing me again,” Hot John said.

“I know, Jonathan,” Osbert said. “I know.”

Osbert went to the tree line and looked for any sign of the child. It was no use. He was gone, and Andrus would not be pleased.

From the Forward of the Unpublished Autobiography of Professor Osbert Collingwood:

I am an educated man. I received my undergraduate degree at Haverford and my graduate degree at Cambridge. I am (or was) a professor of business psychology but my real passion is classic British literature. Some people enjoy dancing or board games, but all I need to have a good time is a notepad and a Dickens text. Considering this, one might wonder how I found myself as one of the elite in a Guild of Thieves. It is a long, complicated story that takes up the lion’s share of this book. If I had to point to one thing that aided my transition from high academic to low-brow delinquent it would be the heart and mind of our leader Andrus.

You might wonder how a man whose face I’ve never even seen could sway me to move from a university-provided apartment to an abandoned subway car underneath Colta City. It’s a good question, and one I find myself asking on occasion. The academic life is rewarding philosophically if not financially. For one such as myself it lacked a social element, but there was a small pub I frequented on the weekends. One evening I arrived to see a cloaked man sitting in a darkened corner. The man was Andrus. He intrigued me, so I bought him a drink at the bar and we sat in his corner until the wee hours discussing Kant and Brecht and Dickens and all the great minds of every age.

We left the pub together as the sun peeked out over the buildings, and he asked me if I would come to a place where conversations like the one we’d just had happened every hour of every night… and the men having them did more than talk. They acted. He even offered to pay me. I accepted, and he took me back to the first version of his den of thieves. We were a dozen or so then, but we were passionate.

In this book, which I expect won’t be found until years after I’m dead and gone, I will recount my adventures with Andrus. The triumphs, the failures, and how he took the dregs of our society and turned them into the ruling class. It was one of the best experiences of my life to be his right-hand man, his confidant, and I would say his most trusted adviser. Despite all of the power and trust he bestowed upon me, I have one regret about following my leader. I have never seen his true face. I would love to look into the eyes of the man who saved me and saw me for who I am. If it never happens, however, it has still been an honor.

Osbert, Hot John, and Blaze sat alone in Andrus’s office waiting for him to arrive. They’d left instructions for the tunnel guards to have him come to his office as soon as he got there. Osbert turned to his two cohorts.

“Gentlemen,” Osbert said, “I must implore you to let me inform Andrus of our failure. If all of us expect to leave this room with everything intact it is imperative we break it to him gently.”

Hot John and Blaze nodded their heads in agreement. The door opened and Andrus stepped through and walked over to his chair.

“My three most trusted men requesting my presence? I’m expecting something earth shattering, but I’m not expecting anything good. What is it?”

Osbert wiped his palms on his corduroy pants and cleared his throat.

“Andrus, sir, tonight we had an encounter with the child you’ve taken an interest in.”

“Dogboy?” Andrus asked. “Wonderful. Where is the little scamp? I have questions for him.”

“Well, sir, we weren’t able to bring him in. You see—”

Andrus stood up and twirled his cane around in his hand.

“So you just caught a glimpse of him, then? Well then why go to all this trouble to meet with me? This could have been communicated in your nightly reports. You are wasting my time.”

“Well, funny thing,” Osbert said with a crack in his voice, “we had a hold of him for a few minutes thanks to Jonathan’s excellent fighting skills.”

Andrus walked over and pressed the cane into Osbert’s chest.

“So you are telling me he got away?”

“Yes, sir,” Osbert coughed out.

“That is utterly and completely unacceptable,” Andrus said. “Details. Now. Everything. I want to know who I need to punish.”

Andrus turned away from them disgusted. Osbert straightened out his clothes. “The boy interfered with Jonathan while he was out collecting,” he said, “Jonathan subdued the boy—”

“I smashed him good, Andrus,” Hot John said.

Osbert glared at Hot John and continued.

“After knocking the boy out, Jonathan brought him to our rendezvous spot near the outer edge of Dixon Park. The boy was unconscious as far as we knew. Blaze asked to assault the boy as a means of revenge for their previous encounter. As I was convincing him to give up such goals and bring him back here as instructed, the boy awoke, and despite my and Jonathan’s best efforts to stop him, he escaped into the woods.”

“And how did he manage to escape from three full-grown men?” Andrus asked. “Men who have all been trained to stop people no less? You’re all professional thieves.”

“Well, as you can see, he cut Jonathan with a knife, and he… this is quite embarrassing… he tickled me while I held him down.”

“And you?” Andrus asked Blaze.

“He ran right past me, I reckon,” Blaze replied.

Andrus returned to his chair and tapped his cane against the floor. He sat there for several minutes, and none of the other men dared say a word. Whatever punishment he was concocting would be far more severe if they spoke out of turn.

Andrus picked up his cane and paced in front of them.

“I would be lying if I said I was pleased. However, your encounter with the boy has afforded us some insight into his ability, which I’ll need a full report on as soon as possible. Nevertheless, mistakes were made.”

Andrus stopped in front of Blaze and took his hat off of his head.

“Ego proceeded instruction, and inaction on somebody’s part allowed this Dogboy to escape. Please, kneel on the floor, brother.”

Blaze, shaking and scared, stood up and knelt on the floor in front of Andrus. Andrus tossed Blaze’s hat down and took up his cane. He pulled on the end of the cane and it came lose, revealing a sharp blade.

“You are one of my most trusted men, and it breaks my heart to do this, but you have allowed this whelp to escape not once but twice. You are hereby relieved of your position and will be made an example of.”

Andrus gestured to the door with his cane.

“Osbert. Hot John. You can leave now.”

Osbert and Hot John left without any words of comfort to Blaze. They wouldn’t even look him in the eye. The three men had worked together for months but with a few words from Andrus, Blaze became a stranger. Osbert closed the door behind him. As they walked down the hall Blaze’s screams echoed through the dark hallway. By the time they reached the end of the hallway the screams had stopped, and they both knew they would never see Blaze again.

 

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