10
The Jerk Squad

 

When Cindy walked into Jack’s Pizza 2, she found Axle, Jennifer, and Bugs parked at a table in the back. Jennifer turned her magazine around to show the group. “Hey, listen up. These science guys, like, take the silk from spider webs and make all sorts of stuff like cables for bridges or armor or whatever. It says they stack glycine and alanine blocks in the amino acid sequence.”

“Armor? You think you could make us some suits?” Cindy asked.

“Seems pretty basic, like, in the picture.” Jennifer snatched the hat off Cindy’s head then looked around to make sure nobody was watching. Satisfied, she closed her eyes and concentrated. The fibers in the hat pulsed like lungs breathing then settled into tightly woven white threads.

“Get out of here. I did it,” Jennifer said, comparing it to the magazine. “Anybody have, like, a knife or something so we can test it out?”

“How about we don’t ‘test it out’ on my favorite hat, huh? Can you change it back?” Cindy asked.

Jennifer concentrated. The hat returned to its original form.

“So what’s up?” Cindy said.

Axle scratched his nose with the back of his thumb. He breathed through his nose like a bull ready to charge. “They got Nuncio,” he said.

“Holy crap. Was it the mayor? Does he know?” Cindy said. She pulled her cap down over her eyes. “Are they here?”

“It was those thieves you had us scoping out,” Axle said. “The big dude took Nuncio.”

“We’ll get them,” Cindy said. “Did you see where they were going?”

Axle smiled at Cindy then leaned over the table. “Dude almost iced me. You trying to get us killed? I’m starting to think you running things around here is bad for our health. Know what I mean?”

Cindy pushed his shoulder. “Like you could do any better.”

“He’s lucky I wasn’t there,” Bugs said. “I woulda shown that basic buffoon who he messed with.”

Jennifer reached over, tousling Bugs’ tuft of red hair. “Yeah, you’d show him how to beat you again.” She leaned over then kissed Bugs on the cheek. “Psyche! You’d kick his butt, babe.” Bugs put his arm around her. She burrowed into the crook of his arm.

Cindy rolled her eyes at the pair. Ever since they’d teamed up to plant a remote access system on the mayor’s office computer they’d been making her downright sick. “You don’t seem too broken up for somebody whose cousin is missing,” she said.

“What? You don’t think I care about my cousin or something?” Jennifer said, leaping from her chair, which slammed back against the wall. “You’re the little chula who got him captured by those, like, thieves or whatever.”

Cindy’s cheeks burned red like somebody was blowing a hair dryer in her face. “Is this what you guys called me down here for?” she said. “He’s my friend too, you know? No. Wait. I bet you guys planned this. Where’s he hiding? I’ll bet he’s sitting at home playing games or something.”

“You think we’d play you like that?” Axle said. “If you don’t trust us, then what’d you even come for? We got a friend to find. Maybe you should get out of the way.”

“Fine. I’m done. I quit,” Cindy said. “You want to run things? Have fun. Good luck with getting Nuncio back too. I’m sure that mission will be real successful.”

Cindy jumped up, grabbed her bag, then ran from the pizza shop. She leaned against the red brick wall outside, swallowing the lump in her throat. Her hands shook, so she put them under her arms to keep them still. I’m better off without them anyway, she thought. Let ‘em get caught. I don’t need their help to find Nuncio, not when I have Dogboy.

She pulled out her walkie talkie then turned the dial to Channel 3.

“Dogboy. Come in, Dogboy. Cindy here.”

The radio squawked. Tanbura strings rang out over the small speaker, accompanied by rhythmic clapping. The music reminded Cindy of folk mixed with the Beach Boys records her dad used to play.

“Hold on. Let me turn down the boss’s music,” Bronson said over the line. The music faded out. “What’s up? Did you find any thieves?”

“They found us first,” she said.

“Us?” Bronson asked.

“I told you I had some friends helping me look. Those stupid thieves took one of them. Everybody is freaking. Can I come over so we can go look for him?”

“What about your friends?” Bronson said. “Think they can help?”

“You mean the jerk squad? They’re blaming me for it on account of I was the one who asked them for help.”

“It’s my fault if anything. Tell them to stop being such dipsticks.” A bell rang in the background. “Talk to you tonight, Mr. Horum.” The bell rang again. “Sorry about that. Yeah. You can come over. Want me to wear the costume?”

“Sure,” she said, grinning despite her bad mood. “I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

“It’s a date,” Bronson said, then static came over the line. Cindy put away the walkie talkie. Her head felt a little woozy. Her practical side wanted to blame her leaving before the pizza showed up, but her emotional side was pretty sure her practical side was barking up the wrong tree.

The shop door swung open. Bugs, Jennifer, and Axle strolled out. They stood there in awkward silence for a moment (or six hours, depending on who you asked). Eventually Axle coughed then looked at Cindy.

“Yo, I know we got issues but we all got a friend out there we need to find. You think maybe we can table the drama until we get him?”

Yeah, I knew you’d come crawling back, Cindy thought. She nodded then pulled a legal pad from her backpack. “Fine, but I’m calling the shots. First off, tell me exactly what happened.”

“Not much to tell,” Axle said. “He… sorta fell off a building. By the time I got down to check him out, these dudes in a big black carriage were driving off with him.”

“Hmm mmm,” Cindy said, curling her tongue over her upper lip as she jotted down some notes. “Tell me more about the carriage.”

“That sucker was big,” Axle said. “Maybe 10-feet tall. The wheels came up to here on me.” He held his hand across his chest to demonstrate. “It had this… uh… like a clown or something on the back.”

Bugs tapped Jennifer on the shoulder. “You mean a jester?” he said.

“Yeah,” Axle said, “a jester, with one of those weird hats. How’d you know?”

“Because it’s parked right over there,” Bugs said, pointing down the street.

It was then that Cindy noticed the men crowding around them. Bugs spotted Hot John first. He turned to run, but the thieves blocked the way.

“You’re, like, the leader around here aren’t you?” Jennifer asked Cindy.

“You bet your butt I am,” Cindy said.

“Well, like, lead or whatever,” Jennifer said.

As the men closed in Cindy’s options narrowed. Only one slim chance for them to escape. Cindy decided to take it.

“You guys know how to get to South 4th from here?” Cindy asked. The others indicated they did. “We’ll meet up there after, okay?”

“After what?” Axle asked.

“Everybody split,” she yelled, slipping between two thieves. The rest took the hint: Bugs ran into the pizza shop. Axle jumped on a trashcan, then to a car, then into an alley across street.

Jennifer clutched her red messenger bag then ran in the opposite direction. The thieves scrambled after the other kids, so it wasn’t hard for her to slip past them. If she’d looked behind her, she’d have noticed the lone thieve creeping behind her at a calm and measured gait. She kept her eyes straight ahead and continued toward South 4th Street.

 

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